My Guardian Angel is a Ditherer

After four long days of driving between 400 and 680 km a day, I arrived home safely on Sunday and went straight to Penola Nursing Home to see Mum. She had been unconscious for seven days by then, had lost her swallowing mechanism and wasn't able to eat or drink. When I got close to home, family members told her I was on my way and she definitely responded to me when I arrived, trying to open her eyes, moving her mouth and holding my hand tightly. She didn't regain consciousness but seemed just heavily asleep. Since then she has barely moved but continues to hold on. Her breathing is slow but still regular and her pulse is still visible at the base of her throat. Beyond that, she is slowly slipping away.  I am sure she knows we have all said goodbye and there is sometimes a slight movement of the eyes when several of us are there and talking. It seems incredible that the human spirit can hold on so long. Poor dear Mum. It is a long hard struggle even to let go. I am spending several hours a day with her, as are most of my siblings.

My trip home was memorable only by its lack of variety. My purpose was to get home quickly and safely. I stayed in motels each night because I wanted to be rested enough to face a long drive. After poking around for months, sometimes doing less than a hundred kilometres over a few days, each day seemed longer than the one before. Despite a good sleep, I made an early start each day and drove for an hour or so before stopping for breakfast. After another hour or so, I needed to pull over and sleep before moving on towards lunch. (This was the time I would have been waking up in my other life.) An afternoon nap was needed to get me to my destination each evening. After Adelaide, I stopped at Mildura, Ardlethan, Gilgandra and Toowoomba - four days to get home after four months getting to Adelaide!


My GPS angel is Kerry and I have decided that she is a ditherer. She finds it hard to get going and to make a decision. Once we are on the way, she is generally efficient. But when I key a destination into her litte memory, she immediately says something like, Continue 150 metres. By the time I've done that, she's telling me to make a U-Turn. Then suddenly she wants me to make another U-Turn and go back the way I was already heading. She seems to get into a panic for a minute or two. Unfortunately this is the minute or two that I am getting into a panic also as I try to decide which way to go. It is not a good time for either of us. I am trying to remember if I made a turn when I stopped or if I am still facing in the direction I was travelling. So, while I am driving up and down the same stretch of road, I try to get a decision from her before I commit too much trust to her directions.


I have a real problem with the concept of GPS. I have had it explained to me. In fact, I heard an interview with one of the voices of TomTom who talked about the process and how all the information needed was recorded in about 50 hours. That I find impossible to comprehend. How can one person take millions of drivers through any part of the world with just a few directions? Perhaps it is possible with generic instructions like, Turn left in 200 metres, though I still find that hard to believe. How does she ever know to say, Turn left into Ascot Avenue in 200 metres? And I don't care if she is attaching herself to six or seven satellites. And how does she do that anyhow? As Professor Julius Sumner-Miller used to ask, How is it so? (Or was that, Why is it so?)


I have decided that there is really only one way for us to get personal attention from those satellites and friendly GPS voices. I believe that we are each given a guardian angel (separate from the one who walks with us all the time) who comes with the GPS when we buy it.  The angel probably is given the choice of who to work with because I am sure I have been targeted (I mean, chosen) by a specific angel.


By the end of my career, I can honestly say that I was a very good teacher, maybe even an exceptional teacher - without being too boastful. But in my early days, I am sure there were students who didn't do as well as they should have. I think I have one of my early students as my angel. I also think that she was very happy with her education and thought I taught her well. That is why she is so obliging but panics a bit because she wants to do well for me. Before I became immersed in literacy teaching, I may not have been quite as specific as I was later about syllabification and pronunciation. This could well by why her intonation is often odd, with the emphasis put on the wrong syllable. But she does try and she is consistent. (That sounds like something I may have written on her report card.)


Unsurprisingly with me for a teacher, Kerry Angel sometimes has problems with maths.She doesn't differentiate between 100 and 110 kmh zones and keeps beeping me for speeding when I am pushing along at the right speed. She also misses a speed sign occasionally. I am not sure how she gets her messages. There is probably a little beam of light coming from the top of the sign post. I see a number, she sees a light. The other issue with her is that she can tell me one minute that there is a petrol station 17.8km away. When I tap that in, she changes her mind and tells me to do a U-Turn and go back 4km or continue 123km. I am never sure then whether she is just dithering again, if I  should turn back for 4km, hope that the 17.8 was right, or risk running out while I continue 123km.

When I had GPS Jane as my angel, she didn't give me nearly as many directions as Kerry does. My Toastmaster friend, Barrie, had suggested getting a GPS when I was travelling alone. He said I'd have someone talking to me. He was right, in a way. Jane talked to me through the area close to home that I already knew, got me as far as the Bruce Highway and said, Continue 288 km, and didn't talk to me again till then, unless I took a detour or stopped too long. On the other hand, Kerry tells me every 20km. She waits till I am in a white-line-induced trance and suddenly says, Continue 60km, which wakes me up with a start. When I am comfortably cruising again with my mind in neutral, I get Continue 40km, which is almost enough to stop the heart altogether with the unexpected voice contact. I am not sure whether Jane or Kerry is better to have on a long trip.

Life is Full of Unanswered Questions

I can understand why the early Dutch explorers just sailed by. If they could survive the treacherous coastline, they would have considered the land totally useless. The only things that seems to grow are rocky outcrops. Stretching into the distance in all directions are rocky hills, boulders and stones. What I don't understand is the need to have the paddocks fenced. Usually the fences are rather ricketty structures topped with barbed wire. Is this to stop the small rocks (aka stones) from getting out onto the road and getting gravelled?

I can understand that caravan park owners have to make a living. I can understand that the season is relatively short. What I don't understand is why they make it so expensive that campers often can't afford to stay there. I am sure that if rates were slightly lower, there would be a higher income from people staying longer or even staying in preference to national parks. Here in SA an overnight in a NP costs $9 entry and another $ 5 - 9 per person (depending on how old you are) per night. To then go into town and find a shower may be another $2 or $3 plus the fuel to get there. The twenty dollars I paid in Elliston was money very well spent, where they gave me a solo's rate. When rates are more than $30 I have to think twice about staying. And why do most of them charge me the same in my very small camper (and only one person) as two people in a huge rig often with trailers and other attachments?

I can understand that people who live locally have to go about their daily business. I know they have places to go and things to do while I wander around playing tourist. What gets to me is the total intolerance some drivers have for someone who is obviously lost and obviously a visitor with interstate license plates. Many of these men (and I am being deliberate in my choice of words) would admit that the tourist dollar helps keep the economy afloat in a lot of isolated townships. If pushed, they would probably also admit that one rude driver more than balances out the goodwill generated by ten welcoming locals. What I don't understand is how they think that a long loud blast of the horn, with or without the accompanying hand gestures, helps either driver.

I can understand that councils set time limits on parking near shops and in city centres. It means that drivers move on and free up parking spaces, so that more people can spend their money. What I don't understand is why there would be a 4 hour limit on the foreshore in Port Lincoln when parking is regulated from 8.30am to 1pm. Why would you be expected to move your car for half an hour?

.A bronze sculpture of Makybe Diva has pride of place in the grassed area along the waterfront. Her owners lived here but she never visited. I can understand, though, that the people of Port Lincoln have claimed her as their own. The process of making the sculpture was interesting. A base was made of timber, it was covered and shaped with plasticine and then bronzed. What I don't understand is where they would have been able to get 5000 kg of plasticine. Every school in Australia must have been having to make their own play dough for years.

In a caravan park, there is a hierarchy of visitors and I can understand that. Those contributing most to the park owners are those who stay in self-contained cabins at about $150 or more a night. They provide work for cleaners and laundry workers but, as cabins cater for 6-8 people, they are self sufficient and don't mix with the regular campers. Then there are the owners of caravans and motorhomes who use the powered sites and generally have an amenities block close by, which they use in preference to their own facilities which have to be topped up, emptied etc. They pay around $30 - 40 depending on the quality of the park. Spread around the outskirts of the park are those who use unpowered sites, those in tents, cars and people like me who don't bother with power. However, we also pay well for the privilege, usually between $20 and $30 a night. The most important thing for us is the ability to use the showers and toilets. What I don't understand is why a caravan park like the one I am in now puts the amenities right up among the self-contained cabins for those people who don't need to use the amenities. From my camp site, the walk is at least 200m and that is a long way uphill, past the cabins, in the dark with your legs crossed. (Fortunately the smaller parks are more accessible.)

I understand how simple life is with a GPS system. Some are easier than others to follow. Unfortunately GPS Jane died a lingering death along the way. She has been replaced by Kerry who has very odd intonations. I was so pleased to get off juBILLee highWAY west that it was worth getting lost to try to clear my mind of her directions. What I can't understand is how people get out of a town without a GPS. It is easy to get in as you often directions for hundreds of kilometres. Once you get into a town, or worse a city, there are no signs until you get on the road out. It is possible (not that I do it!) to drive along every likely road before finding the first sign to where you want to go, often 5 or 6km out of town. I have a system. Just like a search and rescue team, I work a grid of ever-widening blocks till I hit the edge of town. You can be lost for a long time. Thanks Kerry, for small mercies. At least you get me on the right road, even if you drive me crazy along the way